ROCK AND A HARD PLACE

I’m caught

between a rock and the world.

There’s no harder place than this earth,

with this mind.

It’s not easy to think beyond the place you call home

and be forced to live on it.

I live by seconds

because this morning it was only a matter of them when

I was so close to forgiving (or at least I think I was)

so close to god

so close to myself

so close to grace

so close to sleep

so close to the end of the song.

And then,

the seconds changed

and change can be felt

so I felt the seconds.

But now I’m close to the ground

close to praying

close to family

to doubt

to reaching out to him,

to guilt,

to numb.

If I had a ten track mind,

perhaps I would be stuck between two rocks,

or a dilemma,

but no

I am stuck between this mind and the earth and time.

‍

IN THE ABSENCE OF

What will I do in the absence of insignificance?

Maybe

find God better

find myself better

truth better

this better

love better

purpose better.

If this becomes habit, will I be a better person- probably,

less meaningless,

more meaningful

right?

Makes sense,

lose something- gain something.

Maybe

perspective,

maybe more of this,

maybe I’ll hear the voice of an angel, maybe.

Maybe I’ll find the answer to the reason,

maybe I’ll just sleep, but at least I won’t be wasting time.

What can I gain from meaningless things,

but what can I lose?

Time.

Which means no God,

no self

no truth

none of this

no love

no purpose,

no angel.

So I’ll just take a meaningful risk and remove myself

from meaninglessness

‍

speaker of the house

where is your home

who speaks from your house

whose voice is the voice of reason

and for what reason

do you listen.

‍

when you intuit only half healed and are wholly human,

on this strength

where is it that you say you are going and

on whose voice are you moving forward and mountains.

‍

this is why sight could only initiate

but never deliver truth,

because the lonely man looks a lot like the man alone

and I’ve known the voice of both

‍

and well

how can two walk together unless they’ve agreed.

‍

so I agree—

that my voice is as long

as I am perfect

‍

I agree—

with the voice from home

so

that I will be home everywhere.

‍

I agree.

‍

and life

is the conclusion of this agreement.

‍